The Break

By Jo-Musulyn Banks

Prior to coming to Delaware State University, I had to take a semester off because my official transcripts from my previous college arrived late at Delaware State University's admission’s office. Before this, sometime around January of 2019 I remember sitting with the admission’s counselor who told me that I would be deferred for the following semester, Fall 2019. My ears heard the statement, “You’re going to be placed for Fall 2019 instead of Spring 2019,” but I wasn’t processing the information fully. After my meeting with the admission’s counselor, I walked to the Chick Fil A outside of the campus, and suddenly it started to rain. The rain that fell from the sky soon became tears streaming down my face.

I cried for days, the sky cried along with me as well. The weather was gloomy that entire week when I found out I had no choice but to take a semester off from school. I recall the time when I was sitting at the table in my kitchen, staring at the window in front of me, simply feeling hopeless. “I don’t wanna take a semester off from school, why is this to happening to me?,” I said to myself. I’ve been going to school my entire life, all I know is school. Having to take a break felt like my life was over, when in reality it was from that.

Two weeks after, January 27, 2019 to be exact is when a realization dawned on me. During this time I was consistently writing in my black leather journal, writing in my journal helps me release my emotions and to self reflect. On January 27, 2019 I wrote:

"Life has a funny way of repeating itself. I’ve experienced this particular situation/feeling before, but this time around it’s different because I’m older. About two years ago during my senior year of high school, I vividly remember the morning I had a breakdown while in school because I missed CSI’s deadline to pay the $100 deposit for my Fall 2017 semester seat. Missing that deposit deadline had me thinking about my entire life/future, all the stress that had formed during the previous months came back to haunt me and before I knew it, I started to cry. 

I texted mama about  the deposit situation, I then revealed my true feelings. I told her that I felt like I wasn’t ready for college, I wanted to take a semester off, but you know African mothers. Long story short, she assured me that everything will be fine and a few months later after high school I became a  student at the College of Staten Island.

Fast forward to right now, I'm here in Delaware sitting out for the spring semester. Now, the real question is: How do I feel about this? The answer is tricky because I have mixed emotions about sitting out for the semester. 18 year old me would  have loved this, while 20 year old me is worrying about falling behind. I've been in a state of depression about this  situation, I cried for hours the other day. I feel like my high school self and 20 year old me are clashing at the moment. Although I'm upset about this, maybe this is meant to happen. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

After I wrote that journal entry, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Taking a semester off from school was working in my favor, I may have not realized it in the beginning but eventually I did. For the next six months I went on a journey, a journey of self-discovery. I used this time off to become a better version of myself, of course it wasn’t always pretty. I had to face myself, the good and the ugly. I became introspective during this time period, one of the major pieces of advice that I gave to myself was learning how to adapt to what life throws at me. I realized that being deferred to the following academic semester was out of my control, so I asked myself, "what's in my control?" That's when I started focusing on the positive aspect of the situation.

Now that I look back on this time period of my life, taking a semester off was preparing me for the current situation that I'm dealing with. As of right now, there is a coronavirus pandemic that has forced many schools throughout the nation to close and switch to remote learning, including my school. This has been a big transition to say the least, but what's helping me is my ability to adapt to life changes, that is what my semester off from school last year taught me.